Children Are People, Just Shorter

Having a Mother and Father who were professional ice skaters prior to being parents made for some interesting childhood experiences. Not just learning to skate at an early age but having the cast members from 10 years worth of ice shows drop in on us from time to time. These people, who my parents referred to as “the kids in the show”, were characters. Some were comedians, some serious competitive amateur figure skaters who turned pro. The women were stunning and all were athletic at least for some portion of their lives. Most were extroverted, some more than others.

I was a novelty to these show business characters. My parents were among the first of their peer group of crazies to actually produce offspring. For some, I was the first experience they had speaking to children. As a child they were among my first experiences speaking to strangers.

It’s funny but even at my age I recall how they spoke to me. There were a few who spoke to me as if the old saw “children should be seen and not heard” was accurate. They would speak to me like a pet who could not actually understand the language. They would wave a cookie around my nose, then look at my parents and say something about me as if I was not there. I wanted to bite the cookie out of their hand, growl and lie down in the corner to eat it with my feet. Fortunately it never came to that. My parents brought us up a little better than that.

The best ones were the people that looked you right in the eye and spoke to you as a full fledged person, not necessarily an adult but still a person. I liked those who dealt with me as someone with skin and bones and feelings, someone who treated me the same as everyone else in the room instead of just a kid. They would tell me stories, jokes and invite my participation in the conversation. These were my favorites. I met some of these “kids” when I was in diapers and still keep in touch with them or their children today.

Those who treated me like a spare part or something less than a person lost my interest quickly.

My childhood experiences cast my adult relationships with kids. Those young experiences coupled with parenthood and grand parenthood has forged my philosophy on dealing with children. It is very simple. Children are short inexperienced people.

Let me explain how complex this one sentence is. Children are short. The fact that they are short is critical. That means that everything around them is larger than it is to you, including you. As a grown-up how would you feel if someone was so big that they bent at the waist, lowered their head to your level and raised their voice? Yikes! A giant just bellowed at me and I was completely unable to hear what they said. The other issue with being short is a distorted perspective. Everything else is taller than you. You cannot see what is on the table and what you can see is viewed from such a shallow angle it becomes unreadable. Every now and again sit on the floor and look at the world from the short perspective. See what children see.

Children are inexperienced. Their brains work perfectly. They feel the same things and have the same senses as an adult; they just have no experiences to compare anything to. Having no pre loaded experiences has a great upside: innocence. Children have no concept of time because it simply is not necessary; they have no experience with the clock. Almost everything they do is new. Do you remember your first trip to Disneyland as a child? Though it is still certainly exciting, nothing really compares to the excitement of the first time. Everything that happens puts a little mark in their grey matter. Do not be the adult that leaves a scar rather than a mark.

Children are people. They have feelings the same as adults, they feel anger, they know when they have been belittled, praised and loved. My favorite example of this is when a parent or other adult scolds a child and then looks at a nearby adult and speaks to them as if some how the child’s ears have magically been turned off, “oh, he is such a little brat and just look at the mess he made”. Kids hear everything you say. They understand it long before they can speak. You would never speak to your friends in that manner, why would you ever speak to an inexperienced, short person in that manner.

What it really comes down to is simple; these short, inexperienced people, in only a few years will be adults too. Allow their innocence to teach you. They will grow, they will gain experience and they will be the people that will ultimately keep our feeding tubes clear. Be nice to them. Treat them with the same respect that you expect.